A new year, a new you right? Riiiight...

It's a new year, time for new resolutions blah blah blah. I'm to a point where I'm not calling my goals "new year's resolutions" as if I know by calling them that I know they are bound to fail. I've thought about relaunching OBSD but by doing so I would be saying that I didn't accomplish anything and that would be a lie. During the time I started OBSD or even through the whole year, I have been successful at not gaining any significant weight. And I am taking that as a victory! I still fluctuate between two and three pounds. I am particularly proud of the control I've been able to exert throughout the holidays. I was proud that I didn't overindulge. Granted I did have chocolate, that was a given but I did exert control...and my stomach was acting funky but still.

I've decided to keep with OBSD but do some fine tuning. When I started OBSD, my intentions were genuine and wanted. I was ready to take on this mission with my "Bond" pen that had all sorts of gadgets and agent-like abilities that would help me soar to my goal. However, after a while I realized that I was going into this with just a regular pen whose only gadget was a clicking mechanism to retract the tip and my agent-like abilities left somewhat to be desired. But I came across a quote:

(the small print says "Carl Bard")

The goals that I have chosen are small and I'm only choosing 10. I plan on choosing the same number of goals each month. Some will be different, some will be the same. Some of these goals are habits I want to get back into. So my hope is that I make some of these goals habits then once they become a habit, I can move on to the next goal. Instead of looking/making my goals as this great Leviathan, I've decided to take baby steps and slowly filling the voids in my life. This is how I'm breaking down my goals:

Spiritual: 3 Goals
Mental: 3 Goals
Physical: 3 Goals
Talent: 1 Goal


What are my goals for the month of January? Well, I've created a calendar to help me keep track as well as a list of my goals for the month. Each month I will create a new one, forcing me to make a change every month. These are the goals I have chosen:

Spiritual:
1. Being Positive
2. Saying Prayers
3. Reading Scriptures

Mental:
1. Blog
2. Expand Vocabulary (Word of the Day)
3. Yoga

Physical:
1. Walk for 30 minutes
2. Yoga
3. Sit-ups, 2 sets of 20

Talent:
1. Drawing

These are my goals for January.

The Help by Kathrynn Stockett

I went on a vacation with my sisters, aunt and mom. My mom bought me a book to read on the driving trip but I get sick when I read in the car and I was too busy having fun to read it on the vacation so I read it a different time. I was so grateful my mom got me this book. It's called "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett. I had heard about it every once in a while and even heard that it was becoming a movie but I had no idea what it was about. Which made it more exciting to read. Of course I read the back of the book and the synopsis. It is a story about change in the 1960s. A time I was defiantly not a part of but only learned about in history class.

I finished the book at the end of August this year. It was one of those books where I read it at work whenever I had a free moment or the kids were just playing. It was an amazing book! This book takes place in Jackson, Mississippi in the 1960s. It tells of how three women changed the dynamics between the white folk and the black folk during this time in our U.S. history. How you ask? Well by telling it how it is. A brave writer named Skeeter complies interviews of the black help on how it is/was to work for white people. Skeeter could not have done this without the help of Aibileen and Minny.

I thought the time that it was set in was timely. I never lived in the '60s but this gave a good representation. The depiction of the 60's was portrayed through the eyes of two black women, Aibileen and Minny, and one white woman, Skeeter. So it offered a variant of point of view. The way Stockett used first person in the book made it very real. Especially when Aibileen and Minny talked. You can almost hear that thick southern accent. It's also neat how there is the point of view from Aibileen and the point of view from Minny, two women of similarity yet different enough to let their personalities show.

I especially loved Skeeter's character, the white woman that "talks." She aspires to write therefore I am naturally drawn to her. The villain, Hilly, is portrayed as a classic '60s wife who is beyond racist, manipulative, and judgmental. She fully deserves to get a lawn full of toilets.

By reading this book and getting acquainted with the characters, it makes you wonder which character would you be. The judgmental Hilly, the concerned Skeeter, the follow-the-crowd Miss Leefolt, the drunken Miss Celia, don't-care-what-you-think Minny, or the loyal Aibileen. I am anxiously awaiting to see the movie and hoping not to be disappointed.

A Healthy Dose of Realization

Here are some syringes. These syringes represent doses of realization that life hands out to you on occasion. The dose that I have been given in the past month has been the syringe farthest to your left.

It absolutely sucks when realization hits you in the face, punches you in the stomach, stomps on your foot, and smacks you across the head. Operation Big and Sexy Dream is much bigger than I had anticipated. So much to work on but I have started, and that's what matters. I am going to abbreviate Operation Big and Sexy Dream into OBSD. It sounds like the latest in recreational drugs but it's to long to spell out all the time.

I have not realized how far gone I've let myself. It's like going into a house that you've never been to, with an expectation that you have to clean it. But when you go in, it's like walking into one of those houses on "Hoarders." The job is WAY bigger than you expected! I've got so much work to do physically, spiritually, and mentally. I have thought about doing a video journal. I have done all sorts of journals but never a video journal. It would definitely get me out of my comfort zone and insecurities. We'll see though.

As hard as those realizations have been, OBSD has been going along great these past couple months. I have gotten done with my 2nd week of doing yoga at the YMCA. I go every Monday and Wednesday at 7:00 pm. It works great because Sam is here to watch Lilly. Also, I have to manage how much I eat for dinner when I get off work (which is at 5:00 pm), because I can't do yoga on a full stomach. On Tuesday and Thursday, I go walking with my friend Natalee. We meet at the church, which is walking distance from the house, and we go walking. Where we live there are a lot of hills so we can get a pretty good workout. I bring Lilly with me in a stroller and she does great! Although this past week I skipped one day with walking and yoga because of 4th of July and the Relief Society Party.

These walks with my friend are doing a great job. I'm noticing a definite difference physically and mentally. Although I've had a cold the past few days, I still feel pretty good. I've been going to bed at 11:00 pm give or take a few minutes. With my new schedule I've been eating better. My legs are a lot stronger too. I've been drinking lots of water. I have gotten some sweetener for my water, because after drinking it so much all day, it gets old. The sweetener I use has low calories, zero sugar, and tastes really good.

Although, walking and yoga have helped greatly, I've decided that doing these things isn't enough. Especially because most of my problem (physically) seems to be my lovely midsection. I've been stretching, breathing, and cardio but nothing with my abs. Granted I do get s little work on them during yoga but not enough to where I feel it. I'm just not sure as to how much I can keep doing. I mean with the schedule I have. My days seem full. I guess I could do ab work on Saturday. But that's the only day I get to sleep in. Sacrifice. What am I willing to give up for this mission? How important is it to me?

I need to adjust my goals. I need to focus on my stomach and how I would like to look instead of monitoring my weight. It sounds kind of shallow but it's true. I'm pretty happy with the rest of my body except my stomach. I mean, I still want to get healthy again. The thought of being able to walk around with 70 less pounds sounds levitating. I definitely think that keeping tabs on my weight is important but I have been basing results on that alone. I find myself caring more about how I look passing a mirror as opposed to weighing myself every day. I'm not even making it a goal to fit inside a size 7 pair of pants. The last time I fit into a single digit pair of pants was when I was in middle school. So that kind of goal is unrealistic to me.

OBSD isn't just about losing the weight. I want something more for myself. To have big dreams and the ability to have the confidence and faith to do whatever it is I want to do. I'm not saying the life I have right now is horrible. I love being married to Sam and having Lilly as my daughter. I have always wanted a career. I had always thought I'd have one before I got married and started having kids. I'm doing things out of order and I just need to go with it.

I want to be sexy again, espeically with the knowledge that I now know. as well as experience. I want to do it for my children, for Sam, and myself. I am just not happy where I am right now. I know I need to be content with what I have but it's just difficult and irritating when I want to progress, I want to move on but I feel I'm being held back.

Etabpu (Update spelled backwards)

.... I can almost taste it too! Only about moving out and not solving a crime about a peanut. (That clip is what I thought about when I first started writing this post. Can't help it, I love Spongebob). We are hoping to be moving out in the next month or so. Sam has an interview with a talent producer (I think that's what he's called) this week. He wanted to interview Sam for some projects that this man is doing. I know Sam will do great! He is also getting more hours at Stevens-Henegar College. Sam is almost done with the pilot for "The Helpdesk," a series him and Wade Towne are hoping to get to the big haunchos in Hollywood.

I have still been babysitting the kids. As hard as it is some days to be with kids all day, it's still nice to have a job. Plus, they all have runny noses so I feel like I'm wiping noses every minute. But it is better than 6 kids. It's also a great job because I can write. I have been having ideas come to me more frequently now. I am trying to write more on Examiner.com but haven't been successful at that so far, because I am burnt out at the end of the day. I also lost my food journal and have not found it...it's got to be somewhere.

Lilly is acting like a toddler. She has so much energy and her words are growing. She is soo cute and her personality brightens my day. Sometimes, though, she does throw in a tantrum. She runs around a lot talking her own language. She loves being with Anna and Joe-Jo (the kids I babysit). She can even say their names. She is also doing pretty well with potty training. We started introducing her when she was 18 months. We do it after she wakes up in the morning, naptime, and before bedtime. She is doing pretty good actually. She usually goes pee in the morning. We are just taking it as it comes. She hasn't pooped or anything, and that's the stuff I'm nervous about. Just because I am not looking forward to those accidents. But it will be great when she is fully potty trained. She is such an amazing child!

We have taken care of the cars for the most part. We were able to get the Tercel fixed and no more smoking, Hooray! The Escort passed emissions, even though Sam kinda cheated, but it beats having to do a $300 car repair. I am grateful that they still work. That's it for now!

5...4...3...2...wait... it's already been launched.

"Operation Big and Sexy Dream" launched June 1, 2011 (yes, I need to put the year) at about 4:30 pm. I originally was going to write this at the beginning of the month but seeing as how it is mid June....hey at least I'm writing it...right? We got home from our wonderful trip from Denver, and Sam & I went and worked out at the YMCA. We were able to get a family membership and some financial assistance so that was a blessing. We were there for about an hour.

I, at first, wasn't sure what to do. So I kinda...just...walked around and familiarized myself with the place. I'm sure I looked weird just walking around. I started with some cardio on a treadmill for 20 minutes uping the speed every now and again. I did a quick jog for a couple of minutes. I was just being wary of my heart rate and breathing. Like an good exerciser would do. After I did that I lifted some weights and did some arm and ab workouts.

I checked out the woman's locker room, which I hadn't been in one since high school. I saw a Zumba class, which made me all the more mad that I couldn't go to one due to scheduling conflicts with my place of employment. I'm just trying to find my rhythm.

I then proceeded to walk outside and waited for Sam. I walked over to the track and walked a lap. My calves were starting to cramp up. Which now that I look at my calves, I think one is bigger than the other. Hmmm. That was when Sam was tryin' to get a hold of me. We both felt great afterwards and we both, especially Sam, enjoyed working out together, even though we weren't really together. I'm tryin' to work out (Ha Ha) a schedule with work, a workout, and yoga. I'm also walking with Natalee Spaulding, a friend from church. We're hoping to get more sisters to join but we go walking at 7:00 pm for about 45 minutes.

I've also been more diligent about watching what I eat. I've been on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich breakfast for the past month and hadn't realized how much fat peanut butter has. I also am more aware as to what foods upset my stomach and try to avoid those because I just hate feeling horrible.

I've also started, unofficially, bellydancing. I'm just doing the basics from DVD's. It is actually a really impressive dance. It is helping me with my mid section, which is what needs help at this point and time. Plus, the music is so incredible! Sometimes, much to my own discretion, I will just bust out dancing to the radio in the bedroom when no one is watching. Yes, like what those cheesy songs tell you to do. But it really is fun.....Hee Hee.

Wicked by Gregory Maguire

I've just come to grips with my reading list. It doesn't all have to be classic literature. Those grips that I came to with myself was brought forth by attempting to read "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne. I did not realize how hard this book was to read. So I'm saving that for another day when I can do it. Anyway, this book named Wicked by Gregory Maguire was, I think, based on some musical. Oh Right! It's called "Wicked." But this is the book I'm talking about mostly because I have not seen the musical yet. With this reading challenge I am trying to read the book before I see the movie, or in this case, musical. I'm glad I did! (As I usually am).

I was always curious as to what this story was about. I knew it had to do with The Wizard of Oz and how Glinda and Elphaba were friends but I had no idea it was like this. I am probably sure that the musical isn't quite like the book as the book is pretty dark. The story is about Glinda and Elphaba when they were young and in school and Elphaba's turning into the Wicked Witch of the West. I did not realize how political this book really is, which kinda bored me but that's because politics do that to me. However, the overall story was great!!! It did have some vulgar words in it and some not so clean scenes in it.

I love how Maguire tells most of it from Elphaba's point of view. I think his other books are like that but with different fairy tales. I haven't read his other books but I sure as heck am going to. He used words in there that I had never seen before and his descriptions were so unique. I loved how it took a child's story and made it into an adult book. It's liked how he created this whole new world of Oz that you wouldn't have thought existed.

I know this isn't a very long review but it was a really good read. Defiantly not for reading to the kids a bedtime story, keep the original Wizard of Oz for that. I am looking forward to reading more of Gregory Maguire's books.

Movies and Cars

So, I just got off the phone with my mother asking if I had updated my blog and I replied, "No." I was planning on it later today, you know when it was dark and I was bored. I also thought that I had the courage to play Silent Hill 4 by myself and, needless to say, I tried and after seeing the opening part...I got too scared, so here I am.

It has been a while since I've done a family update so here it goes. Sam has been working part time as a Graphic Design teacher at Stevens-Henegar College and has been enjoying it very much. He is also working with a strong group of people to create a production studio out here in the land of potatoes, which is even more excited about, as am I. Him and his coworker/friend Wade, with help from others and myself, have created a series called "The Helpdesk." They have just got done editing the pilot and are planning on more projects to come. Before Sam started doing this, I was reading up on screenwriting and thinking how wonderful this would be to actually try my hand at it. I am currently writing one and will go into more detail when I have it done. This also gets me excited to write more screenplays and do the movie stuff that me and Melissa use to do all the time.

I am still babysitting, however, this past week they have been gone camping so I got to have a week off. Good for my nerves, not so much for my paycheck. We also are having to have car repair done to both of our old cars this next week. This will be the first time that I have taken the Tercel into an actual car mechanic, that's not to say that my dad isn't because he is great with cars. I'll just be glad when the Tercel is not smoking from the engine and I'm not worried about it bursting into flames on one of my jaunts to Target.

Lilly is doing great! She is babbling on in her own language. A few words are decipherable. She says "No way," "No" and "Ball." She's getting there....Her and I have a game where she'll say, "MAmamamamamama" and I'll say "Lilly, Lilly Lilly Lilly." She puts her hands over her face and giggles. She is getting to be a little bit of a drama queen. She'll accidentally fall on her knees and then she'll cry and then lay the rest of her body on the floor as if she just broke both her legs.

Well, that is it for now, until next time.