I think my patience has slowly gone somewhere. I've thoughtfully ponder where it has gone. Maybe it's gone where all my other emotions have gone. Somewhere. It's like I've got to do a stupid Easter egg hunt for my emotions. They must have escaped when I was giving birth to Lilly or when I decided to get married without really growing up and experiencing the world first. Although, I do not regret getting married to the most wonderful husband or given birth to the sweetest spirit. I'm grateful for both of them in my life.
My fire has also seemed to dim. Dimmed so much to the point that it is almost out. A small ember in a exhausted burnt piece of wood. Where has my passion gone? I have been trying to make the choice of being happy... and it's been challenging but my mood has gotten better, I'll admit... so far.
I've been feeling a little overwhelmed. I've got a couple projects I'm working, on as well as work, and trying to get healthy and into shape. I'm starting to feel what it is to be a mom who juggles and it's challenging. It does make me want that free time I had so much of but didn't use it wisely. Oh well ya learn.
I've set up a schedule that I'm gonna try. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday are project nights. Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday are exercise nights. I'm also starting "Operation Big and Sexy Dream," which is an attempt to stay motivated to lose weight and get healthy. To go along with this operation, I want to bring myself back. I have let myself go and I'm not proud of it. That could be a contributing factor to my lost emotions.
I've got to let go of how things were and live in the present. Make new memories. Only I feel, for some reason, that so many dreams are out of my reach. I know that deep down (Yes I know that sounds cheesy but I don't care) I know that that's not true but Satan is good at what he does. I need to be stronger than that. Sam and I are so ready to move out and be on our own but there still are some things that need to happen first. I guess, it seems like financially, those dreams and aspirations seem out of reach. The student loans are the main reason. It's scary, but out of the mouth of George Micheal, I just gotta have faith.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
My "New Job"
For anybody who has seen "Groundhog Day," you know the song that was in it that woke Phil Connors on that repetitive holiday.
"Then put your little hand in mine,
There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb.
Babe, I got you babe...." on so on.
Well, this song has a new meaning for me but in the same context as Phil Connors on listening to a part of this song over and over and over again.
"I've got you babe" rings in one ear. The sound of tacky Valentine Day bears with singing countdown singers over and over again with the same chorus. And here to my other ear, as if a tour guide, the unknown wailings of an 18 month old girl who has had diarrhea in the past 24 hours and still won't be satisfied unless she's being held. Mixed in with the whining pointless "I wanna be held all the time" cry from a 9 month old boy who has go the strongest little limbs. Together, from these sounds seeping in through my ears meeting in the center of my head which also happens to be my brain. There the screeching redundant sounds clash in a tyraid of irritating sounds that grate my nerves like a cheese grater against sandstone.
I started my new job on April 4, 2011. I got it through a friend at church. I am really enjoying it! I watch a 3 year old girl named Anna and a 9 month old boy named Joseph. I also take Lilly with me. I drive to their house which is only about 10-15 minutes away so the commute isn't too bad. I get there at about 7:30 am and leave about 5 pm. So it's a full time job. It's nice because the parents are awesome and the kids really are well behaved. It's a chance for me to get out too and Lilly have some playmates. Anna and Joseph really are great kids! We have lots of fun. Although, I will admit, it is stressful at times, usually when everybody wants something at the same time. Anna is a great help and Lilly is loving being with other kids. Joseph is a strong little kid and is usually pretty happy, unless he's hungry, but so is all other babies.
This job has been a blessing as it gives me a chance to learn and grow as well as earn a little bit of money. Even if it is something I do everyday at home. I just get to do it with 3 children instead of 1.
"Then put your little hand in mine,
There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb.
Babe, I got you babe...." on so on.
Well, this song has a new meaning for me but in the same context as Phil Connors on listening to a part of this song over and over and over again.
"I've got you babe" rings in one ear. The sound of tacky Valentine Day bears with singing countdown singers over and over again with the same chorus. And here to my other ear, as if a tour guide, the unknown wailings of an 18 month old girl who has had diarrhea in the past 24 hours and still won't be satisfied unless she's being held. Mixed in with the whining pointless "I wanna be held all the time" cry from a 9 month old boy who has go the strongest little limbs. Together, from these sounds seeping in through my ears meeting in the center of my head which also happens to be my brain. There the screeching redundant sounds clash in a tyraid of irritating sounds that grate my nerves like a cheese grater against sandstone.
I started my new job on April 4, 2011. I got it through a friend at church. I am really enjoying it! I watch a 3 year old girl named Anna and a 9 month old boy named Joseph. I also take Lilly with me. I drive to their house which is only about 10-15 minutes away so the commute isn't too bad. I get there at about 7:30 am and leave about 5 pm. So it's a full time job. It's nice because the parents are awesome and the kids really are well behaved. It's a chance for me to get out too and Lilly have some playmates. Anna and Joseph really are great kids! We have lots of fun. Although, I will admit, it is stressful at times, usually when everybody wants something at the same time. Anna is a great help and Lilly is loving being with other kids. Joseph is a strong little kid and is usually pretty happy, unless he's hungry, but so is all other babies.
This job has been a blessing as it gives me a chance to learn and grow as well as earn a little bit of money. Even if it is something I do everyday at home. I just get to do it with 3 children instead of 1.
The Lord of the Flies By William Golding
As one of my goals for this year is to further my reading in classical literature, I figure I'll start off with The Lord of the Flies by William Golding. I got this book from the library so as of now it's not officially apart of my book collection. I finished the book on August 3, 2010. It actually was a pretty good read. I never did read it in high school. Since it was a while ago since I finished the book, I'll go off of my memory. It is a memorable read don't get me wrong but it is definitely very...um...different.
I did hear things about the book on how sad and violent it is. I've heard it referenced many times in TV shows ("Lost") as well as movies and didn't really understand them until now.
I did think a lot about "Lost" as I read it even comparing it in similar ways. It does make you wonder what would happen if boys were stranded on an island. What would happen if no grown ups were allowed? What would happen if there were no rules? I think it's interesting how the first group of boys to turn savage are the ones who were apparently from the church and grew up around religion. I'm not saying religion turns you into a savage but with out rules and structure there would be anarchy and chaos.
The ending intrigued me too and surprised me. I thought they all would end up dead or kill each other but they were saved. It's sad that it happen like it did but William Golding was definitely trying to make a point. As I don't agree with all the childish violence and the sad death of Piggy, I think it has merit for being a classic. I'm just glad I didn't read it in high school.
Uncle Tom's Cabin By Harriet Beecher Stowe
My next book that I finished on my classic literature list is Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe.
I really enjoyed reading this book. I can see why it had such a profound affect on people as well as America during the time it was written. Stowe had such a strong opinion and beliefs and I think that was shown in this book.
I had bought the book at Border's when I was visiting Denver in August of 2010. I was reading it on and off for a few months. I'm surprised I still remembered what I had read in between moments of not reading. I finally finished it yesterday and I don't think I'll forget this story. Stowe must have been so courageous to write something like this during the times of the Civil War. She seemed so passionate about what she believed and didn't care what people thought. I don't know if all that's true but it would seems so with her writing.
The characters seemed so real, and most, if not all, were actually based on true people according to the final chapter entitled "Concluding Remarks." The way she wrote made me believe that I was back on the Kentucky plantations and among those people. I cried and go so emotional over the death of little Eva and the sudden departure of St. Clare. I couldn't help hating Legree and what he did to Tom.Tom's faith is a great example that should be followed by every Christian. I really enjoyed how she wrote it. She would write the story and go on side notes that would address the reader directly, then return to the story.
I even got inspired to do a story about Eva and Topsy, or maybe a screenplay about this book. There was a particular moment on page 298 with a great point of view. There could be a story just about Eva. She had such an impact on the characters in the story. I'm glad that I have this book apart of my book collection and would read it again.
Updatetation...I think that's a word
Where to start...I actually don't like starting it that way. It's like writing in my journal saying, "Well I know its been a while since I've written." It's like I'm making an excuse for why I haven't written or knowing that I should have but didn't because I was too lazy and then the regret sets in because I didn't and then I realize that it doesn't really matter because I'm the only one who reads it and then I think "what if the grand kids read it when I'm dead" then they won't know what has happened in the past couple months, so I have to give an overview on said past couple months and then realize that I could have avoided that if I just wrote in my journal regularly.
....But this is not my journal....
I have realized that it has been almost a year since we moved up here to the land of potatoes. Boise has been great although my sinuses and lungs would say otherwise due to the blooming of everything that I am allergic to, plant wise. Naw, the weather here has been beautiful the last week. We are going to plant a garden...eventually. The nights and early mornings are still a little chilly.
So, for an update. As of April 23, 2011, Sam and I are still living with Sherie and Denny. We have really enjoyed it here! Sam has gotten a job teaching graphic design/web design at Stevens-Henegar College (A local private college) as well as he is working with his brother Ben doing I.T. work. Sam doesn't officially start his classes until June but he is doing training and what not to prepare for it. He is really looking forward to teaching. As for me, I got a job babysitting 2 children, a 3 year old girl and a 9 month old boy. It's not much pay but it's enough. Plus, I can take Lilly and it's not a really high stress job as compared to daycare. It's from 7:30 am to 5:00 pm so I have to get up pretty early but I find that that is better for me. I wouldn't have thought that I'd go back to babysitting. I feel like I'm back with the Marsh family only I'm there longer and only have 3 kids but they are all different ages. Lilly is at the bittersweet age of 18 months, or 1 1/2 years. It's hard to believe she'll be two this year which has a lot of meaning. Not only is it getting closer to that crucial potty training time but I always thought that we'd wait until Lilly is two to start thinking about having another child.
Family planning, there's more to it than I thought. I want to be done having kids when I'm 40 (hard to think about that too.) and we are planning on having a maximum of 5 kids. I just know it would be frustrating when I finally get into shape and then get pregnant. At least, I would know what to do and what not to do. I thought about when we are going to have our next child has been floating around in my brain. However, after babysitting for the past 3 or 4 weeks, that thought has kinda drifted away for the time being. I don't think I'm ready for another child yet.
Sam is also getting involved with doing some local editing and video work. I'm going to attempt to do scriptwriting and really get into writing in general. I feel like that's what I need to do, I just need to get off my rump and do it.
So, yeah this is a short update of what has been happening. Taking this babysitting job has also given me an opportunity to write while the kids are napping. So I've been writing stuff on paper and then typing it out on here. We'll see how that goes.
Just another day in potato land.
....But this is not my journal....
I have realized that it has been almost a year since we moved up here to the land of potatoes. Boise has been great although my sinuses and lungs would say otherwise due to the blooming of everything that I am allergic to, plant wise. Naw, the weather here has been beautiful the last week. We are going to plant a garden...eventually. The nights and early mornings are still a little chilly.
So, for an update. As of April 23, 2011, Sam and I are still living with Sherie and Denny. We have really enjoyed it here! Sam has gotten a job teaching graphic design/web design at Stevens-Henegar College (A local private college) as well as he is working with his brother Ben doing I.T. work. Sam doesn't officially start his classes until June but he is doing training and what not to prepare for it. He is really looking forward to teaching. As for me, I got a job babysitting 2 children, a 3 year old girl and a 9 month old boy. It's not much pay but it's enough. Plus, I can take Lilly and it's not a really high stress job as compared to daycare. It's from 7:30 am to 5:00 pm so I have to get up pretty early but I find that that is better for me. I wouldn't have thought that I'd go back to babysitting. I feel like I'm back with the Marsh family only I'm there longer and only have 3 kids but they are all different ages. Lilly is at the bittersweet age of 18 months, or 1 1/2 years. It's hard to believe she'll be two this year which has a lot of meaning. Not only is it getting closer to that crucial potty training time but I always thought that we'd wait until Lilly is two to start thinking about having another child.
Family planning, there's more to it than I thought. I want to be done having kids when I'm 40 (hard to think about that too.) and we are planning on having a maximum of 5 kids. I just know it would be frustrating when I finally get into shape and then get pregnant. At least, I would know what to do and what not to do. I thought about when we are going to have our next child has been floating around in my brain. However, after babysitting for the past 3 or 4 weeks, that thought has kinda drifted away for the time being. I don't think I'm ready for another child yet.
Sam is also getting involved with doing some local editing and video work. I'm going to attempt to do scriptwriting and really get into writing in general. I feel like that's what I need to do, I just need to get off my rump and do it.
So, yeah this is a short update of what has been happening. Taking this babysitting job has also given me an opportunity to write while the kids are napping. So I've been writing stuff on paper and then typing it out on here. We'll see how that goes.
Just another day in potato land.
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