Motivation [moh-tuh-vey-shuhn]

Motivation is a funny word. It's a noun, an adjective and I like to think of it as a verb. This supposed force that pushes us along in whatever it is that we do. Getting up and going to work, exercising, relationships, and, yes, living. It can be there one day and gone the next. Some people are good at it, some...not so much. Motivation can be monetary or just a good feeling.

Yet as funny as motivation is, it is one of the hardest things I struggle with. Maybe I'm not finding the right kind of motivation. Wait...there's no "maybe" about it. It's also hard to keep that motivation going. I understand I'm not the only one suffering from the lack of this "supposed force" but it's there and I need to deal with it. It's like those zits that come up every now and again. It's not like it happens 24/7 but when it happens, it's there, it's obvious, it's in my face (I guess more technically on my face if they are zits) and it's annoying.

So what do I do? I've heard different things. I've done a motivational board, I've done the reward system, I've done/am doing (...trying...) Sparkpeople. Okay that's only 4 things so I guess I haven't tried everything. There is something I have been wanting to try. I want to take a picture of myself. Not just a head shot or in something that will flatter my figure. But a picture that will help me wake me up (or "wak up" as Leah liked to say it back in the day)and see that I need to lose it. I'm just not the same person I was 2-3 years ago not even 4 years, but I can spend all this time and energy tryin' to figure it out instead of doing something about it. I don't want this to sound empty and unpromising. There's so much that I want right now. Losing weight and getting healthy isn't the only thing I have a lack of motivation in, it's a core to a lot of my other problems. I just need to be patient and persistent.

"Mmmm yesss, and how does that make you feel?"

I think my patience has slowly gone somewhere. I've thoughtfully ponder where it has gone. Maybe it's gone where all my other emotions have gone. Somewhere. It's like I've got to do a stupid Easter egg hunt for my emotions. They must have escaped when I was giving birth to Lilly or when I decided to get married without really growing up and experiencing the world first. Although, I do not regret getting married to the most wonderful husband or given birth to the sweetest spirit. I'm grateful for both of them in my life.

My fire has also seemed to dim. Dimmed so much to the point that it is almost out. A small ember in a exhausted burnt piece of wood. Where has my passion gone? I have been trying to make the choice of being happy... and it's been challenging but my mood has gotten better, I'll admit... so far.

I've been feeling a little overwhelmed. I've got a couple projects I'm working, on as well as work, and trying to get healthy and into shape. I'm starting to feel what it is to be a mom who juggles and it's challenging. It does make me want that free time I had so much of but didn't use it wisely. Oh well ya learn.

I've set up a schedule that I'm gonna try. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday are project nights. Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday are exercise nights. I'm also starting "Operation Big and Sexy Dream," which is an attempt to stay motivated to lose weight and get healthy. To go along with this operation, I want to bring myself back. I have let myself go and I'm not proud of it. That could be a contributing factor to my lost emotions.

I've got to let go of how things were and live in the present. Make new memories. Only I feel, for some reason, that so many dreams are out of my reach. I know that deep down (Yes I know that sounds cheesy but I don't care) I know that that's not true but Satan is good at what he does. I need to be stronger than that. Sam and I are so ready to move out and be on our own but there still are some things that need to happen first. I guess, it seems like financially, those dreams and aspirations seem out of reach. The student loans are the main reason. It's scary, but out of the mouth of George Micheal, I just gotta have faith.

Realization Station

Wow!!!!
I have realized a whole lot in these last 2 weeks! I haven't been able to start my exercising due to the fact that I have yet to buy some tennis shoes due to the other fact that I am saving up for said tennis shoes which goes to the fact that it's taking almost three weeks to save up for them due to the fact that we have very little money which goes to the fact that sucks! Granted that is a very long sentence without commas but I don't really care right now. I think it's fun to be rebellious, as much as you can with grammatical errors. Lol.

Anywho! I've decided to write this post in the center because I wanted to try it out.
I seem to be getting these realizations more often now. Now...I just need to act on them. I hate it when I do so well at the beginning and then just start to go downhill. I know it happens to everyone but it's different when it actually starts happening to you personally. I hope that makes sense.

Realization #1: Don't Think So Much!
This one came to me while my husband, Sam, and I were arguing (nicely). I have discovered that recently I'm having the hardest time making decisions and it's usually about minor things like at the grocery store. Or even big things like what I want to do with my life, that I haven't already done/or am doing at the present time. I think to much on it or dwell on it. I need to act! I understand that for certain decisions it's important to think and ponder and pray. However, the things that I have been thinking too much about are things that don't really matter. Clarification, I need to stop thinking too much!

Realization #2: Stop Caring About What Others Think About You!
I care WAY to much about what others think. Even now as I type this blog, I try to edit myself thinking "who is going to read this? I don't want to offend anyone." When in reality, I know others read this, not quite sure how many, but does it really matter? No! It's my blog, I can say what I want and think, but also remembering that this isn't my journal. Lol. Recently, I signed on with a website called Examiner.com where I am an "Examiner" for Food and Drink. (Here is a link if you want to take a look, I've just started so there's only one article so far. http://www.examiner.com/x-56844-Boise-Food-Examiner)I want to write and I guess this is a good start. I write articles that have to do with Food and Drink, sort of like a critic. I like to express my opinions. I believe that I have gotten a little better with that. I also don't enjoy confrontation and I'm not very quick on my feet with words. I think that's why I care so much about what others think. Plus, I am a people pleaser. I want to write, I always have, and I am good at it, therefore I will do it!!!!!
Anyway, I'm just babbling on and on. The point is, is that as cheesy as this sounds, it's okay to dream and work to making your dreams come true. Don't let anyone, including yourself, say you can't do it or that it's impossible! Find inspiration!

Realization #3: Just do it!
Life is too short! I watched a devotional on Sunday about the precious commodity of time by Douglas M. Andrus. It was such an uplifting devotional! He talked about our time here on earth is limited, we all die at some point and it's what we do with our time really shows a lot. He ended with three points that we all need to keep in mind of:

*This is the time to prepare, to perform, and to improve.
*Don't put off important things by saying "sometime" - Do them now.
*President Monson said, "This is our one and only chance at mortal life."

Procrastination is so easy but it is such a bad habit to get into, because it really does affect your life and you as a person. I can say that through personal experience. I hope that when people read my blog that they will take lessons from them and know that it is my opinion and my life, and to edit what I say isn't fair to me or others out there. Who knows what people need to hear if I don't say it at all. Maybe I need to organize my thoughts and challenges into different blogs. That would be quite a bit of blogging. I'll see what I can do. I want this blog to be about my family but it seems to just be what I'm doing...yeah so maybe I do need to create a couple more blogs. I find something.

I would appreciate some feedback or ideas!

Alright, I mean it this time!

Okay, okay....I know I'm not the only one that has a hard time committing to goals and what not. However,I have just gotten tired of my laziness the past couple weeks. I'm getting disappointed in myself because I'm not really progressing and that's gotta stop. That kinda sounds funny....But anyway. I was reading this months Ensign magazine and the article that really got to me was by Elder Bednar. I think the title was...ok...I actually don't remember but it really made me stop and re-evaluate and make me ponder about my actions, or lack thereof. Especially concerning my physical body. I have gotten into a habit of watching T.V., actually more like watching T.V. shows I try not to watch actually T.V. because of the commercials are just a waste of time. We have Netflix and have been using that a whole lot. I enjoy watching the T.V. shows because I like the stories and it gives me ideas for my own. Plus, since I can't seem to find any good book series I find the ones on T.V. are sometimes just as good.

Anyhow, after reading the article I had my husband, Sam, read it. After he read it, I suggested that we take a challenge. That for 1 week we limit our T.V. watching to 2 hours a week (That's gonna be really hard because we're almost done with Season 2 of 24 and once we get into the next season it's gonna be hard to stop.), limit video game play to 1 1/2 hours (that's gonna be hard mostly for Sam), no more mindless internet surfing and T.V. watching, and (for me mostly) not listening to music that does not bring in the spirit.

I am actually pretty psyched about it. We are starting today. I know it's kinda weird but I know that if "I just wait until Sunday, because it starts a new week" I'll just procrastinate it and I won't get done nor will I have the wanting to do it. So I'm going to try out a technique with keeping my goals.

1.I am going to create a calendar and track my progress. I'm hoping that doing for a week will help me get into a good habit. I thought I'd start small.

2.I am going to do journal entries. I'm going to do them both written and blogified. Lol.

3. Report to a friend or family member...or just blog about it. I hope that my husband and I will to this together...maybe do a Family Home Evening type thing or just report at the end of the day. Lol A thought just came to me. Maybe...I could try doing an hour to hour thing like on 24 seeing how Sam and I have gotten obsessed about the T.V. show. I also hope to use my blog as a sort of update or tracking my progress.

4. Finally, I believe in the rewards program. So I think that once we meet our goals or at least change our bad habits, that there will be a small reward of some kind. Haven't thought of anything yet.

So there you have it, another goal I hope to go through with. Right now I'm pretty confident in it, plus it gives my an opportunity to feel like I'm being productive or actually BE productive. I WILL keep this posted and updated. I WILL!!!! :~)